Life's not a game...

Next week I'm going to do something that I should have done a while ago but was too scared. I was scared because of what I might find out, and the funny part it would truly become irony pure sad irony. Its almost as if you could look back afterwards and predict the ending cause you see the signs.
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It's like peeling the skin...

I threw the curve ball today and now I will see where it lands...but I can say one thing it also opened up wounds and scars...I knew it would. But it's gonna make me a lil stronger...but it was more magnified due to the fact today is valentines day...ironic.
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Cry Now Laugh Later?!

Can that actually be? Was I right about me being groomed? Am I right about April? Its scary cause I don't want to get my hopes to high on anything...but why can't I? I mean its all falling into place...this week I even became Major League Baseballs Rep. ...I'm like the only one in thousands of reps trying to get in...and they want just me. I'm not in the least bit cocky or think I'm all that...in fact quite the opposite. I'm proud that I got one of my goals accomplished in life and now dre and kiara have something really cool they can tell their friends at school - Its a dream and I'm living it. Since the calming balance happened its all unfolding...even me...I am feeling more and more like who I was before I was robbed and raped of my being, mind and soul by her...I still feel the pain but the numbness and the routine of being encircled by friends and family has helped ease and distract me...I did have 3 dreams of her about 3 weeks ago where I woke up in the worst cold sweat I've ever had in my life and my heart racing like I just ran 10 blocks without stopping...I don't remember what the dreams were about but I know she was in them...regardless I know this summer is the summer...where part 2 of life starts...fresh new beginning with career in hand and rising to the top fast.
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