Who am I?

Even since the last post a lot has change but some remained the same. I have an office job again and from day one I was portrayed as the role model..and only because of who I "used" to be..i'm not that guy anymore‎..I persecuted myself for so long for the mistakes I made that I literally stripped myself of anything remotely who I was. Its scary shit too because looking back and even trying to do I can't..it feels foreign. This past year was like "the" year that I died (metaphorically speaking). From the kids to "her", to my surgery..actually it was after the surgery that I started to notice..and I felt, and watched it go. Fucked up feeling. I don't even post on fb anymore..maybe a handful if that. My fire has been extinguished, and my passions lost. I know someone tried to be there for me in the summer, but my pride got in the way, but they also didn't understand fully..and to be honest I was embarrassed. Maybe because of how bad everything has affected me, referring to the kids situation and just how it all went down for me. People really dont understand how hard it is..just because im the dad or their father doesn't make me any less important or needed in their lives..and they are almost adults and even though Ive seen them on their weekends and have seen them grow..ive missed out on the beginnings..u never get that back. Now they are almost adults..and I fought 10 years just for the minimal time ive had with them..if I didn't, I don't know how this blog would have turned out. Anyway..as for the job, I don't like it...still new and disorganized. Boss is shady as shit..i know guys like him...and I don't have that passion anymore, or that "thing" that got the sale..i just had the knack.   Whatever..like things are supposed to go good for me..lol..yeah right.  And just the fact i'll be 40 in a few months bothers me a lot too..i missed a whole decade because of the bullshit ive had to live...a fucking decade!!! 

Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone on the Rogers network.