Like seriously either crazy which I doubt...

I don't get it...Tina's precense is felt these past few weeks and yes it could be coincedental since I've been talking to dre outside of the center...well YouTube msg's which is better than having to wait every Saturday. But regardless she ha been coming up in conversations and not started by me either...and then I have the Melissa situation where people think we make a very cute couple...but yet trying to help

Don't know what to think...

So for about two weeks now I've been playing with Dre online and chatting through YouTube..as of the 3rd of sept. Kiara as well. Minor comminication with tina is there...it's just there are things that are happening I am not reading into...well I hope I'm not...but I don't know what to think...I mean others have accidentally (just recently) called her my wife...ooopps we meant ex-wife...please dont think in any way I am trying or wanting too get back together with her...she rejected me...so I have to respect that right? But... don't think if there was a chance I wouldn't consider it...it would have to be her to set the tone and make the first step...all it would take is "what time will you be home for dinner?" but I know it will never happen. Maybe the things I'm seeing are just the dust of my past? Little echos of what used to be...but it doesn't matter because I finally I get to talk to my Dre and Kiara during the week..made me the happiest father in the world :-)

Everything is connected...

you know - as much as all my writings have been of purest thought and feeling. The one feeling I've tried to suppress out of fear of retaliation is anger. For the most part i'm not but there is that part that is angry for everything Tina did to me...to us and our children...but that is the past and that was purely her decision, and i have no choice but to respect it and move on. I have in many respects and will continue to do so, but the one problem she never saw coming and nor did i was the spiritual attachment...we both started off early in life and developed a bond and watched each other grow for the good and bad...and even to this day as much as her face really is hard to remember believe it or not, and i think thats due to the fact i haven't looked at a single picture of her since 2006...hurts too much...even when i went to court last year, i didn't even look at her, and mind you i was blind at the time so i wouldn't have anyway. Don't ask me where this is coming from but i found out today why i didn't get my managers position...and it's because i am too passionate?!...yes i am but too much? There is soooo much on my mind right now i even had to pause for a second. I don't know why i brought up Tina anyway- maybe it's because Dre hasn't replied to me in two days and it kinda hurts. I just know there is going to be a part 2 of sorts coming down the road and i don't want it...i want my kids but want to keep things how they are now. Don't get me wrong i will always love Tina as she is the mother of our children - but the pain is too much...and the sad irony behind it all is i became what she wanted of me but yet i had to lose her to accomplish it. I will never ever find someone like her again - no matter what people tell me, and believe me it's not for the lack of trying. She is the only one who brought out the confidence in me, taught me, relied on me and made me feel important..all i see now is people only out for themselves. Part of her will be a part of me as a part of me with her...but thats all. I am in no position to make any moves/decisions or whatever, and even the first email i sent her was hard to do...because it really wasn't what i expected to be my first words to her...and as you read hers i think it was mutually agreed it wasn't easy...sorry if my thoughts are all over the place - but it's been intense the past 2 1/2 weeks and it all has been having an impact on my life and work...thats why i don't want things to change, because i don't want anymore hurt for myself or her or the kids - everything is calm and everyone happy...anyway i'll probably write more later.