Why does this happen

I'm up @ 4:30 and can't sleep...checked out fb and everyone seems to be getting into relationships or about too...don't get me wrong it makes me happy to see others happy...but when will I get my turn again? Or was my 10 years with Tina all that I will ever get? The way its going, and as each day goes by I will be alone forever. I may have my friends, but friends can only be there to a certain degree. I'm almost ready to accept it in defiance...but it hurts so much being alone. And what hurts the most is all women want now is men who are assholes...I don't want to be one! But unless I become one none will take me seriously...so this is my conundrum. I basically feel like the ugliest person in the world who no one wants anymore...maybe Tina really did put a curse on me that day...she screamed it so loud with conviction that just maybe she was heard and effectively won and killed my life...because it's never been this hard for me to find someone...now no one will look @ me. I don't care, yes I'm feeling very sorry for myself and I'm am most certainly allowed. I fought for 5 years for what I have today which are my kids, and had I distracted myself I would not have what I have today...I just need that person to complete me. They don't realize that my spell will be broken...and what lies within can be reborn and thrive. Sometime in life certain things can only grown under certain conditions..like my situation. But unless that happens, as each day goes by my heart and chances slowly disappear. If I'm right and have been right about most, than this is it for me...I wonder if I should just bow out quietly
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I just

I just want to feel loved again...I miss it so much it's killing my heart.
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OMFG....

Ok at this point I can't prove it anymore except on here and with myself. But after cutting Tina off with me and all communication life in the past 3 weeks have been uneasy but perfect?!...I don't like it at all....that's not true; I do like it but I just became a scared rabbit. I just know good things are happening and fast...I don't know what to do. :/ I guess I just don't want that shoe to drop where I invest my heart again...that's what's bothering me. Anyway we'll see how the rest of the night goes and when I wake up.
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