I don't know wut to say at this point...8 years...2 or 3 of which I've been overpaying in CS by 40% and living with only bare minimum basics...only seeing my kids on their specific days...no calls in between..I know they love me but what she's done to them is something I'll never forget..and its been a learning experience...I'm sure I'll forgive, it's in my nature...but since I found out she had another child things have changed and are different..I can never go back...I can't. I just want time with my kids...more of it. But what else has changed is one person was able to get around every single barrier I've had which only a few have only been able to get through one or two at the most...then I see they either can't be trusted...or they don't want me for me...they just want something I can do for them....but this one was different and scared the fuck out of me...since I never thought I'd be able to feel like this again? Problem is she is an unhappy wife...we started off strong but either I did something to scare her off...or I was a test of the waters? ...basically a rebound type of guy is how I felt/feel? Needless to say we hooked up last Saturday and never felt more comfortable like I did...and it ended rather trippy as she kinda rushed me out the door after smoking..and I figured from their it would die down but didn't...wuz a rollercoaster of emotions...so I had to end it..just to get some space to reset...and even that didn't seem to work...I don't know what to do. I can't afford my heart to break again...I may be strong in a lot of ways and can handle a lot...my heart is my weakness...if it breaks again I don't know how I'd be in the end :/ anyway...this shit is so fucked
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