A part of life?

I met somone last night out the blue...and i mean completely random. Earlier in the day i talked to an old long time friend and he was mentioning about how he was looking for a chat room where he can talk to people about his problems and seek advice...and this was before i even told him about blogtv. I know i should go back on but i'm scared. Anyway can someone tell me what does it mean when you meet someone with almost everything in commun and can sit there and talk for hours and not get bored of it? Someone said it was scary cause she was like the female version of me. I don't know...the majority of me is really saying move along...but there is that little thing inside of me saying it doesn't care if he gets hurt if he does try and pursue something with her but finds out she isn't interested. But i can safley say one thing...she would have been or could have been something I would have been proud to be with. She is very passionate about her work and teaching. There is so much i can go on about her, but no point for now as she can and could be just another face i meet in life. I hope it's not the case.

Infinite sadness

The one thing…the one true thing she took from me that I will never get back is my happiness…my pure true happiness. I look at life now in a different light then I ever did before. I sit and watch how others say they want to be happy but yet turn around and do something that goes against what they say. I just don’t get it. All I know is every minute being without my kids the more sadness envelops me, almost like that black shroud that used to fall over me when I would have to go back home from visiting friends…the worst empty feeling you could ever possibly imagine. You know the funny thing is, I was afraid at one point to share my feelings cause knowing they might be used against me…but then I sat back and thought, I am allowed to be sad, hurt…and it will take time to heal. It doesn’t mean im not a fit parent, worker or human being…quite opposite since I would never ever let my kids go through any pain or hurt that I’ve gone through, not that they haven’t gone through pain of their own, which is not fair. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone in my life…empty. Having to endure the false accusations against me for 2 years…hanging my head low…afraid and sad. Why can’t I break the spell of believing her? Why am I punishing myself for something I never did? Is my mom right? Am I a push over? I let her walk over me for 9 years cause I cared, and wanted to do nothing but give them the world which I was nearly there. Please pray for me and my kids tomorrow, we need it. The sooner they come home the sooner the healing can start. Dre, Kiara…Daddy loves you never ever ever forget that, because no matter what anyone says you both know Daddy is here for you and always will be…Trust your hearts.

Tomorrow.....

Tomorrow is the day I guess…well let’s see. I just wanted to take time this morning to make sure when I mentioned something before I go tomorrow…just that I know what will happen…and that finally things will move forward…regardless of what is really supposed to happen I know this time it will be a lil different. Like I mentioned to my family it’s getting harder and harder….especially when I am being forced to pay $180, mind you it’s what I owe but they want it in full and they know right now I can’t do it. Work is getting a whole lot better but to recoup to where I was will take time, they don’t care. Anyway I got to get to work but will chat more later.

Like I said...

Well I didn’t figure I would be this right, but remember Shannon? Well I had my suspicions on weather or not you know who was using others to spy and to try and keep me down…how did I figure this out? Well in short cause as for details I’m smart enough now to keep a tight lid on how I know…but last night was my come back show of sorts on BlogTV, and low and behold after 3 months of her disappearing she pops up…I know she was one of the guests that were watching cause as soon as I called her on it publicly she disappeared….im sorry but it’s not co-incidence anymore. I can’t wait till my book get’s published…it’s just a matter of time. I’ll write more about this after…got to get back to work.