The one thing…the one true thing she took from me that I will never get back is my happiness…my pure true happiness. I look at life now in a different light then I ever did before. I sit and watch how others say they want to be happy but yet turn around and do something that goes against what they say. I just don’t get it. All I know is every minute being without my kids the more sadness envelops me, almost like that black shroud that used to fall over me when I would have to go back home from visiting friends…the worst empty feeling you could ever possibly imagine. You know the funny thing is, I was afraid at one point to share my feelings cause knowing they might be used against me…but then I sat back and thought, I am allowed to be sad, hurt…and it will take time to heal. It doesn’t mean im not a fit parent, worker or human being…quite opposite since I would never ever let my kids go through any pain or hurt that I’ve gone through, not that they haven’t gone through pain of their own, which is not fair. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone in my life…empty. Having to endure the false accusations against me for 2 years…hanging my head low…afraid and sad. Why can’t I break the spell of believing her? Why am I punishing myself for something I never did? Is my mom right? Am I a push over? I let her walk over me for 9 years cause I cared, and wanted to do nothing but give them the world which I was nearly there. Please pray for me and my kids tomorrow, we need it. The sooner they come home the sooner the healing can start. Dre, Kiara…Daddy loves you never ever ever forget that, because no matter what anyone says you both know Daddy is here for you and always will be…Trust your hearts.
♥ ♥ ♥
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