Short one...

Ok well something happened on MSN tonight because you know who popped on...oh wait she doesn't chat online...oh yeah d'uh...LOL...anyway yeah she came on and have no idea how or why...I had blocked her and deleted her from my contacts a loooooong time ago. I figured the less i see to remind me the better...i mean that's what she wants...so anyway I block/deleted her again fast...then since she popped up it got me curious...then almost outta the sheer blue i found this link which i also saved the page:

http://www.journalism.ubc.ca/

Freaky thing is...that article proves some of my innocence...how? well it shows either she lies to the general public on health issues, or to the courts and messing up 2 innocent kids heads...either way it's gold for me and for my kids...She claims i never let her worked in her life...well in a statement that she made says:

Depo-Provera’s side effects plagued Tina Cross; her symptoms were so bad she eventually had to quit her job.

“If it were not for the side effects of the Depo perhaps I could cope better, perhaps life would never have become so unhappy and unhopeful,” Cross said.

You decide....am I really the beast? or am I the victim?

Remember when I said....

Not sure if I ever blogged those exact words but...Remember when I said I came full circle in my life? Well I think I did. It's been nearly 2 weeks now since I found out from one of my clients that I'm still eligible for the United States Marine Corps. I didn't believe it at first so I made a call to Staff Sargent Mendola who then put my in contact with Sargent Halford. They were the coolest people to talk to and very helpful. I asked some questions and they acknowledged the fact the new cut off age limit is 34. And I know what alllllllll of you are thinking and probably have thought since you heard me start talking about the Marines.....what about my kids? right? I know....and believe me they are and will always be the focal point of my decision. I think this is the first time i have to make a life changing decision on my own...i mean not being able to discuss with a partner. But part of my thinking is this...no matter how hard I fight the system is on her side...even though i have written proof this was all set up. So I am going to ask you something...provided I am right about my statement...Do you think it's fair for someone to lie to get out of a relationship...destroy not only one persons but a whole family and traumatise their kids, and use the ex-spouse as a stepping stone to get herself in a comfortable life setting, while they become poor...and work just so they can pay the support for their kids and leave them to not be able to do anything with themselves in life? and leave them with virtually nothing? No I know it's wrong and I'm sure you do to....well that's me. As much as it hasn't broken my spirits...I am in a position now where I can live out my childhood dream and become a United States Marine Corps Soldier. And I am not going in as just infantry, I am going in (if I decide) to become an officer...further my education. But it's not the only reason why I am and want to do this, I am also doing this to open doorways for my children...so they can have all the opportunity in the world for when they get older...and it is also a sacrifice...because I will have to give up the fight for my kids (for the time being) and won't be seeing my kids for a long time...well minimum 15 weeks...You might think I'm selfish, but only seeing my kids 3hrs on Saturday...and well getting to the point where i simple can't afford going to see them...and get this...on top of what I pay for support I pay an extra $80 a week to see my kids...I don't care what anyone says I never ever payed $80 in one day when we were all a family...and we sure as hell never had to pay $650 a month on them...so I ask you...if i can't afford to see my kids what do I do? Sit there and look like a dead beat father to which I'm not? No way...I'm willing to sacrifice my body and soul for my kids to join the Marines...and I think that is and has to be the most ultimate sacrifice and human can make for their child...especially if it means opening doors for them so they can have a better future. Honestly this isn't gonna happen till probably this summer...there is a lot to consider and a lot of thought to put into it..it's a huge commitment and a hard life changing decision.

Day 2...

Well second day into the new year and well, I can't say it hasn't been good. It has...and I can't say i don't feel different cause I do. I dunno what happened (knock on wood) but things are starting now to look up. I know though i need some sort of shield...lol...k it sounded dumb but i need to ensure that my healing does not get swayed...because gaining the momentum in the beginning can be a little hard...and if it got affected then it will for sure take me longer to heal...but if i can find a way to keep myself shielded from her and the drama and the bullshit that i am being constantly being put through...then i have a better chance then i ever did. I'm starting to become happy...my phone is ringing again...my inbox is becoming full again...I'm coming back :-) Just didn't think it would have taken so long and well didn't think it would have been this way. Anyway day is almost done at work....so I'm gonna get ready to head out soon.

First one of the new year....

I've been sitting here thinking of some of the things i want to change within me...one is to stop being scared of what other people think of me...I also noticed a pattern in myself...a defense mechanism...when a traumatic event happens against me I go into a shell, which I did for most of all of this...pushing people away...not wanting to go out...being scared to bump into "Her"...i don't ever want to see her again...as much as I am extremley sad to not have been with my family on New Years...seeing her again would kill me...that's why this year strength is what I have to focus on... as well as shedding skin that is not needed anymore...When i meet new people as much as I try and be myself we all put on a mask in the begining to protect ourselves...some masks are smaller then others but all do the same thing...this is where I have to overcome my fear...lose the fear...I did it before when I moved to Dorval...I came outta my shell, and when I did I was at the top...waiting to move to the next level...and I did...and I almost got to where I was about to be "Something"...and it was taken away from me, and I live it everyday...you can't turn back time...but you certainly can take what was destroyed....use some of what's left and make it stronger...not completley rebuild...because obviously the foundation has withstood the test of time...and once built, it will be bigger, stronger and better then it was...I am moving to the next level...maybe that guy who posted a comment in the begining was right...maybe the gift is coming soon...the one beyond the problem...who knows...but I do know this is my enterance to the next level in life, and I have a whole lot to offer....and I sit back and think...that's pretty scary...because I never saw that in myself before. I really wonder...I really wonder who will come out on top...and I wonder if Dad's advice and wisdom are true...if so...well the I guess that's a good reason why Dad's are important. Anyway I'm out...wanted to throw that in since i am soooo bored...lol...but it's all good. ;-)