This weekend was ground breaking and monumental...only a matter of time..finally made it :)

You can contact me at 5142149079
Vous pouvez me joindre au 5142149079.

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Its like everything has now been placed for me...it is my time to shine.

You can contact me at 5142149079
Vous pouvez me joindre au 5142149079.

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Yup...i know it has...

Yes!!! I know i know it's been too long since i last wrote. I guess during that time a lot has gone on..some stuff i can write but other i need to and "CHOOSE" to keep to myself for now. One big thing that has happened and was a growing experience, is that i watched my youth finaly come to rest. What I mean by that is how i saw life, the possibilities and hopes and rdreams have all but faded. They are there but my passion and emotion towards it has become docile and more relaxed. It's kinda sad but iam holding on to that one little piece, because i truly and firmly believe we should all have the inner child inside of us

The long road coming to an end....

Well it begins…March 5^th I go to criminal court to end the false charges against me…and in turn gives my voice back.  I can’t wait…and on top of that it is coming closer to my babies coming home…FINALLY!!!!!  I will write more but needed to put this down.

 

 

The Best Kids Ever

Funny thing I forgot....

I forgot to mention the fact that because of the good that "Did" happen last night almost prompted me to write a letter...When everything came to light i realized one thing i was doing wrong...well not wrong but hindering me from moving forward. I had a wall i had built up and was a wall i would not let any other woman in. I had no idea i was doing it until like i said everything fell into place. So when i got home and after the two calls i had one with Joelle and the other with Walaa, I almost wrote a letter to you know who...but not directly to her or communicate but more of a letter of letting go...for me and to pretty much say my part of how hard it will be to be with someone else...yes i know i am divorced and going through child custody dispute...but I have met a lot of women and it's funny none of them really had qualities (AND NO NOT LIKE HERS) but i mean someone who can be a good mother, friend, wife...most girls I've met really don't seem to have a clue and are more interested in many men as opposed to settling for one...that's not my thing. So now I am not sure what to do...I know i can write something like that on paper and put it away...but my blog here is supposed to be private for my eyes only...so my fear is if i do she will again try and have me arrested and thrown in jail for trying to communicate with her. So still debating....anyway, i have to figure out what i should do for after work. Got's to go.

Like I know anymore....Should I even try and figure it out?

Yesterday was a weird day...some good mixed with some bad. A co-worker's friend passed away and it crushed her. Seeing her cry was rather heart breaking which was the bad part of the day. But the part where it got strange was a lot of things i have questioned about myself came to light and i got answers...well so i thought until what 15 mins ago...Part of me just doesn't understand anymore...I don't get how people say one thing and do another...am i wrong to not be like the rest? Is it wrong to say what i mean and mean what i say? It's almost as if life is showing me things in the end will be ok but i have to go through hell and back in order to learn and grow...but this is what almost 2 years now? I am not gonna let it get to me today not this time. Anyway i am out for now, at work trying to finish the day...Fuck em' if they can't take a joke....

The Day Before X-Mas

Well Saturday was a hard day but the kids and I had a lot of fun. They loved their gifts :-) I got Kiara a Care Bear (25th Anniversary Bear) which was white and had a big heart in the middle. I also got her Bratz doll. Dregan i got the Transformers Blaster that changes from a truck to the robots actual hand :-) Ans he also got this other thing where you can see in the dark, listen at long ranges as well as a proximity sensor. I have to admit it wasn't long enough cause when they left it felt like they just got their. I got a rock from them for x-mas, and I know as some think it was a ploy from the ex to hurt me, it came from my kids and i know some think it's stupid but that rock has a special meaning since it came from them. That was my X-mas. Now I am at work writing this and finishing up the day. I after work go home eat and sleep through tomorrow and hurry back to work for Wednesday. This is the second x-mas where i will be utterly alone...so needless to say I'd like to get this over quickly, and it's not to sound selfish...I guess it's cause i won't see my kids until next year and that hurts me more then anything or any missed holiday.

Going to be hard...

Tomorrow i go see my babies for our x-mas together. I know we will have a blast but it sucks that it wil be the last i see them untill the new year, so it's hitting me pretty hard. I can't wait untill the holidays are over...I miss the holidays but wothout waking up with my kids on x-mas day isn't the same nor will it ever be. Anyway i have to wrap up my day at work to go home. I can already feel the sadness sink in but i know once the holidays are over i will be fine...it's just the days leading up to it are hard. I love you Dre & Kiara...Daddy will see you tomorrow.

xoxoxox

A fitting quote...

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!"