You never know till the end....or until it's too late

Well i was right on my assumptions, that the weeks to come will be nothing but a huge life change again. But one thing that happened that has left me confused, hurt, lost...is I found out Meghan, a Friend who has been with me since day one of my separation...well...she is going to the University of Toronto and as the days got closer for her to leave which is this Wednesday it seemed her and i began to feel awkward about things..mainly our feelings. It's funny cause our friendship/relationship there was nothing physical, but we were always together. Then over the course of the past month or so people would randomly ask if we were dating but we both pushed it aside and said we are just friends...and never thought anything of it. But we then talked about it and it got weird...i think to the point where it hurt us both knowing even though we weren't far apart, it is too tough to let go. So we both i think are putting up a huge wall to protect one and other from knowing what it's gonna be like. She has been the only real distraction i guess that has been constant enough to help me at least try and forget about you know who...but now with her gone i am so scared old feelings will surface and i will go back to square one. All I do know is once she goes...this will be the first time in 10 years that my life is 100% different then it ever was...right down to the people i know. I never felt so alone in my life. BTW...as much as i have news on the kids, the news i have is staying put...not writing anything for now. But they are as well as can be and I miss then and love them to death. Anyway i am heading home now but needed to let this out.