This could very well be one of my last posts for sometime to come...I'm am now in the biggest fight of my life to ensure the bond between my children never dies. She has finally drew her sword and dug her feet in the ground...this Saturday will be the first day since the day they left that they'll be home in their Daddy's arms, but it's comming with a price. This fight is of the financial one...and its winner take all with the cards stacked higher than they've ever been stacked in my life. As I look at this as a whole - the beginning was the taste on a minute scale of what is and was to come, and the choice of walking away or fighting for what I believe in. Believe me the taste was bitter and every day was another day facing it always the first thing @ the forefront of my mind. I came this far - even with every single hurdle that has just been put in front of me literally within the past 72hrs have been everything that I had to endure for the past 4 years. All in one shot and twice the intensity - needless to say as much as I've never been more scared in my life of losing...I know now no matter what the outcome Dre & Kiara will always love their daddy and this will have solidified the love between us and can and never will be broken. She seems to think this is about power, money, or who's the better person...funny thing is the only thing I think this is about for me is love...and doing nothing but giving every second of it to my kids - and doing it without the thought of what happened. I keep their world secure and feeling like nothing ever happened. I'm very proud of myself for one thing - I never saw myself as a fighter...or someone who would fight for something to this magnitude...because in all honesty...if it wasn't Dregan or Kiara I would have definitely not have fought this hard for this long if they didn't mean the world to me...actually even if I was offered the world it wouldn't be enough...the world does not have the spirits my children have. This is why as I started my march, and prepared to draw my sword as well - I still keep getting images of her and who she was...sometimes I think maybe we've been given bad info and kept our hurt ongoing...because I know I've never did anything that bad to hurt her this way...but I don't hope anymore...because it is what it is and I've accepted it...but why hasn't she let go? Questions I'll probably never find out or know - but one thing I'm allowed to have is room for her in my heart forever...because this was a tragic love story that ended too soon...there is good in her...hiding...scared and sad. One day I pray she find her way. And as for me I move forward working long hours from 8:30am to 7pm non stop everyday until I'm at the top - I'm going back to basics...like Mike said my Director..."We've forgot what its like to be hungry"...he's right. I just wanted to make sure I posted this since like I said it begins, anything can happen now at this point.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
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