Guess I was wrong...but right?

Ok this is nuts...Her Lawyer again is postponing the trial...It's obvious now it is out of fear, and out of the sheer fact they know she isn't ready to have an evaluation done on herself...because if she was it would have been done already. I made some calls and found out the file has never been given in to the psycho social experts. But after today I am going to try and get it set up for myself...I have nothing to hide or fear. Either way I am not worried anymore. Every single cent I make is going towards getting them back home. It may be shared custody in the end, but god willing they are living with me. I am ending this "Game" once and for all...my kids are suffering and so am I...all at the expense of you know who. But at least by me pushng for it, it makes me look better. It's funny though...cause when you say emergency you would think it's urgent right? Well explain this...we have been doing this since May 3rd...and it's still being postponed...is that a sense of urgency for you? I think not.

wow...it all comes down to this week....

Well it all comes down to this week I guess. I met with my lawyer and she is amazing. She listened and it felt good to tell the story and the truth of what happened. I met with her for about 2 1/2 hrs. I gave her everything she needs and then some. All I know is after meeting with her I have a better feel of what the outcome may be...but I could be wrong. I have quite a bit to back me up and alot more ammo if need be. I just don't want to play all my cards now. I know if this becomes a long battle in the end i will win...but it will take some time. Which at this point I have. And since I am going back to work and nothing else to work for but myself...I am focusing all my money and efforts on getting my babies back full time with me. I am not going to stop untill I win. they mean too much to me to just give up. Anyway I have things that need to be done today..Doctors...clean...and also get more stuff for my lawyer. So between now and next monday...wow I will be so freaking busy it won't be funny. Anyway I will for sure write more later, and I am sorry for not writting a whole lot as of late but alot has gone on, and I have been so super busy....not sure if it's a good thing? We shall see.

When it rains it pours...

This is just so unreal...I was told my meeting was between 12:30pm and 3:30pm today to see the kids...then I find out she already showed up and is on her way back to where she is staying. I a mbreaking...I have nothing left...if nothing good comes out of Tuesdays court date then I am giving up. Not on my kids but myself. This has nothing to do about the love I have for my children at all...I would die for either of them in a heartbeat, no question about that...why owuldI give up on myself? Well I stunbled on more pictures of us and the happy times we had...I even found a picture of her and I when i graduated from EPOC...Everyone now is telling me I should start to hate her for her being so spiteful...but as much as I try the more I hurt...God if there was an angel up there listening...please change time...go back to march for me...Dregan's b-day prefferably...with the knowledge of whatI know now...so I can change the future...make things right and better for everyone...I have no fight left...but I always say that...so why is it that I find the one little ounce of energy to fight...God please help.

Good News???

Ok this is where I just don't get it...I called my lawyer to ask a few questions and she has not been in...but this guy answered and said he reconized me from last Thursday when I called. He said she was working hard on my case and that she spoke to the judge and apparently she has really good news? God...like I said to jess and everyone...once this is all said and done and if I do win, I will be so much stronger then her going forward...I have taken a 3 month beating...everything and anything you can imagine has happened to me...I am very confused right now...sort of...so I am trying to let it digest...and not trying to to get my hopes up to high...cause it smells the same...what I mean is that I have had things said like this before but ends up not being what I think....but maybe...just maybe there is a God...and my own special angel listening, watching and seeing my heart and words are true...and just maybe my wish has and will be answered? I can only just continue to pray...CAUSE I AM A GOOD FATHER...and there is no one on this planet who will ever tell me different...except for my 2 precious babies...Dregan & Kiara....and to this date...Daddy is the BEST!

Postponed again......

I'll write later...but OMG!!!...freaking fiasco...I got in a while ago...phone got fixed..YAY!!!! so now I wanna shower, eat and decompress.

1 day to go....

Well tomorrow is the day...may be postponed..may not be...not sure yet what to expect, but the anxiety is building. I'm not totally worried about what will happen...well part of me is...but I have what I want to happen in mind..and if it goes at least the minimum I want then all should be cool...but it will be a hard 48 hrs...today and tomorrow. I crashed out early last night to get my sleep back in order...I woke up before 9am...so that's a start...It sucks though...cause had I stayed at work, I would be stressing as much about bills...but in a way I didn't have a choice...it's mixed...some people agree with me taking time off to sort through stuff, but on the other hand things still have to be paid and done...but honestly I don't think I was in the right frame of mind to work since everything I worked so hard for in life disappeared....coping is hard sometimes. I thank you all who have emailed me to wish me luck & support :-) I'll write more later today after I get some things accomplished.

And again they try...

Well it's been a day, and needless to say again someone has been trying to find my site...but this time even going to the length of putting in her name, Dorval and Dregan in the search field...it showed 3 resutls...one was to my space...and the other 2 were broken links to my old one...or old address. Google helped me move it intact so I was happy about that :-) I am trying to move on and forget...I want my kids and nothing more...but I also want peace...inner peace with everything...i have contimplated posting the screen capture I took of what I found...it is relevant to alot...if you look or click on the image where it shows Search Words...it clearly shows someone using Dregan Tina , and Dorval...I am surprised though they didn't use Kiara too...ok I just did and it narrows it down big time to 3 links...same. I dunno...I don't mind if people read my writtings....but some people try and us them against me....so it makes me hesitate to write sometimes....anyway thought you would be interested...I know other people will....I am not sure who is doing this or why...but as much as it's a pain in the butt I won't stop writting about what goes on in my day.

Animal farm day with the kids :-)

Well what can I say....what a day. It was fun, and we had a blast...so much that everyone commented and complimented on how close the kids were with me and how well they listened. They saw lots of animals and were able to pet some too. Kiara Loved the baby bunnies :-) It sucks cause there would have been a lot of nice pics, but since you know who says they are wrong and offensive and inappropriate I am not allowed, but I am getting that fixed as well as everything else soon. But the only sad part of the day is when Dre lost his game I bought him...I have never ever seen him that sad before...He started to cry and so did I...He kept telling me it was his favorite game and it was special to him...and when he said that I started to ball...so we looked for almost 1.2 hr for it...the whole park...but couldn't find it. When we got back and when it was time for them to go, I hugged them both got big kisses from them...and when the councellor came back in she said how you know who got pissed off at Dregan for bringing his game and he should have known better...she asked me if you know who was always like that and I didn't give a huge answer, but I did say he would hear more about it later and may get grounded...So I am going to make a special extra gift for him...I am sure he is gonna love it as always. :-) Work is coming up soon...and it seems everyone is anxious for me back. :-) I have been getting trickles of emails from clients and co workers...so that in itself has helped a bit. :-) Since the Dregan and Kiara were not able to draw me pics on Saturday I have the paintings they did last week that I just scanned...If you look closly at Dregans drawings he always has clouds in them..with rain...he never drew like that before...anyway hope you enjoy, I know now they get their artistic side from me. ;-)

Dregan's Boat


Dregan's Hangman Game


Kiara's Butterflies

It's things like this...

"Dreams can't break, they begin and end, then begin again"
Author:Unknown

Tired...

I was talking to someone and they sent me a song...Alice in Chains..."Alone" and it's freaky...seems alot of people are going through the same thing at the same time...I have talked to a lot of random people online and off...the pain is the same but it's ho we take it...I guess you can say I am not taking it well...lol..but hey...I'm doing my best :-) I mentioned the word sting to someone, and that is a good fit to how it feels thinking there will never be...listening to this song is like opening a floodgate of emotions...it's good though...I want it all out...I mean ughhhh...like I ask Paul before I crashed out...I asked him if I would be ok?....he said yeah you will Dave...then I said to him I was scared...he had nothing to say back except I know you must be....he sees it in my eyes...god life can get so messed up in one second. Anyway this is probably one of the first time I actually have tears almost going down my face...lol...chat later.