When it rains it pours...

This is just so unreal...I was told my meeting was between 12:30pm and 3:30pm today to see the kids...then I find out she already showed up and is on her way back to where she is staying. I a mbreaking...I have nothing left...if nothing good comes out of Tuesdays court date then I am giving up. Not on my kids but myself. This has nothing to do about the love I have for my children at all...I would die for either of them in a heartbeat, no question about that...why owuldI give up on myself? Well I stunbled on more pictures of us and the happy times we had...I even found a picture of her and I when i graduated from EPOC...Everyone now is telling me I should start to hate her for her being so spiteful...but as much as I try the more I hurt...God if there was an angel up there listening...please change time...go back to march for me...Dregan's b-day prefferably...with the knowledge of whatI know now...so I can change the future...make things right and better for everyone...I have no fight left...but I always say that...so why is it that I find the one little ounce of energy to fight...God please help.