Sometimes...

I cried tonight while being on the phone with a counselor. I know one pain point that I discovered tonight cause when I cried I was angry. I know now all of this was designed to destroy my self esteem, trust, dignity - I lost it all, and now I am holding on for dear life...praying for peace and the time with my kids...I pointed out no one really cared about my kids as they are suffering and it shows...I told them of how and where I see them and some things that I have questioned have never been addressed. They took some of what I said to concern - they told me they may have to intervene which now is making me scared of what's to come. She did say I've carried a lot well for a very long time...more then others could...and I "should feel good" that I'm doing such a good job. If I was they'd be home. I needed to be sure I put this down in case its used against me saying I'm trying something...I didn't call them initially for the kids...it was work related and my self esteem...it just ended up centering around the kids in the end...my face hurts right now from crying...I've done so much damage since this all started to my face that every time I cry now it burns my face...those are the true scars of love....
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