Tracked!

Well thank you all for those nice comments about my PERSONAL ONLINE DIARY! IP has been captured and now being tracked. I am pressing full charges on those responsible. I don't mind if I get encouraging emails of support which I have been getting, but these emails are not of encouragement...it is to scare me and intimidate me. It's not working. So feel free to continue to do so, the more I get the more I have a case and as of now I have over 41 emails, and all are with in seconds of one and other. Nice try by trying to cover your tracks...but I guess you didn't know I am good with computers, and no matter how hard you try you always leave a trail...no matter what. I am a good father and not a criminal and "I WILL" see my children this weekend. It's a shame someone would do something like this to try and scare me off...but it's not working. And whom ever is reading this now, thank you...I mean it...thank you for going overboard. Makes my case even stronger.

What a day...

4 more days till I see my babies! I can't wait. Mind you I am taking a well deserved break from all of this. I may take a trip and stay with my mom out in the country. Mind you I will have them pick me up and bring me there since I have to conserve money. Gas is just nuts expensive. Anyway I thank you all for you comments!! Keep them coming! It makes me want to just blog my heart out...LOL..well not all of it. ;-)

Last post for now...

Well this is my last post for now since most of my posts were apparently "Breaching" my conditions. I won't get into details just now except for the fact I cannot be arrested again for the same thing...so I am going to try and keep this short and sweet until I speak with my lawyer tomorrow. So basically I was in jail "again" for false accusations...no biggie, because I did no wrong, and I think they are starting to see it now. When I got home I got informed more over from other police officers as well as many criminal lawyers...and what I found out didn't really surprise me at all...this was mainly to keep me from seeing my kids...but it's ok, because I will see them next weekend and it is going to be a double surprise for my babies. :-) My spirits have not been broken, and I will continue to fight for them back...I am however moving my complete blog to another offsite, since someone people are trying to use it against me. I am not doing this because I am afraid, but even though I re-read my conditions it does not even state certain things I was told by a certain someone who charged me...also my blogs are being monitored by this person as well as his colleagues...I am not going to be intimidated or scared off...since I have done nothing wrong. But now is the time where I lay out all my cards on the table...I am sure everyone outside of my circle will be quite surprised and astonished and should close everything up quite fast. I have also taken precautions to keep all my info hidden offsite from my home to where it is safe in case anything does happen to me again. It is people who fear who attack this hard...and people who keep going are the people who are not in the wrong. I will one day tell my story of what happened, but right now my babies come first...oh and for "those" who are reading it...thanks for the compliment on how "pretty" my site looks, and I will keep working on it :-) My children are my pride and joy of my life and nothing more. I guess it just sucks that no one is safe and freedom of speech can be construed and taken out of context and used against you...so this is why it's my last post for a bit...or until I know I am allowed to continue to what extent...I care for my babies too much for them to lose their Daddy, which almost happened, since I was rushed to the hospital due to my heart...anyway I want to shower and get a good night sleep...sleeping in a cell on a hard wooden bench for 2 1/2 days isn't good for your back...LOL. Dregan & Kiara, Daddy is really sorry he missed you on Saturday...you were all that I thought about...but Daddy has a very big surprise for both of you next weekend. I love you both very much

Daddy!
:-)

My Rebirth?

Well I got my hair done tonight...and it was the first time in 9 years anyone else has touched my hair really besides Tina...I didn't like it...it didn't feel right...I guess cause Tina always knew how to cut my hair...but all in all I look good and I was surprised. I look much better, clean cut, healthy...I get to see my babies tomorrow, but only @ 12:30 cause apparently Tina has a Dr's appointment...whatever...I don't mind...it gives me time to pick up Dregans treat...I also went to McDonald's and got them each a toy...man the toys are really starting to suck...but it is the thought that counts. I am sure they are going to be happy tomorrow...then I come back and clean house. Anyway, I am actually gonna crash out tonight early...and while I am in a good mood and not so down...I almost want to sleep in a upright position cause my hair looks perfect and I don't want to mess it up. :-) Hey I actually smiled...LOL...and laughed...damn...that's cool....but as always it may be short lived...she may pull something else out of her hat to hurt me more...I figured that out now...it's all about how much she can hurt me...I really don't care what kind of proof she thinks she has over me, cause I know there is none...she is "Playing" the victim, and like people have said...lies catch up with people...no matter who they are...that's why I am going to start to calm down now...cause I really don't have anything to worry about at all...I guess it's the stinging and hurting that is driving me up the wall.

Now I know....

Now I know her mom has a lot to do with this...a little bird told me...and to top it all off she filed charges against me the same day I got custody papers...I am an emotional wreck now...and I also found out her family members lied to me to my face...again a little bird told me and I know. I am waiting for a call back from a lawyer...I have had enough of the lies, and I am not going to let myself be dragged through the mud...I will expose her lies...I am sorry Tina...but the advice and "support" you have been given was wrong...I know in the end you'll realize it...but again I am not letting you kill me like you have always wanted to...Remember Tina? Remember how many times you told me you wish I was dead because if your own insecurities? I know you do...and that's why I have had enough...GAME OVER

So many thoughts....

Well this morning is a little better...mind you I couldn't fall asleep till about 4:30am...had more dreams, but this time they were weird...I dreamt someone came to my rescue...emotionally, spiritually, physically...so needless to say I woke up in a little bit of a better mood. One thing I did come to the conclusion on...if Tina were to be able to be on her own to think...without outside people influencing her, things may have been different...I have been alone all this time with out side support yes...but none have pushed me or told me to leave her or to give up...they do feel what she has done is wrong...but they also say it is noble for me to not turn my back on her even though she is trying to decimate me...It stings...that is the word I have been trying to find...but her being gone with my kids stings every time I think about it...I guess I never really knew her then...I guess she was someone I never knew well...for her to to something like this...maybe it was her intention all along...just waiting for the right time to strike and poison me with her venom to try and kill me. Anyway I have a lot to do today and a lot of driving...see my brother...go to work...get Dregan & Kiara something for Saturday...come home clean...get the place ready...Man...at least I am keeping myself occupied...anyway I do have to start getting ready. But a saying comes to mind about me right now...especially after another wave from Tina...and it goes like this:

The phoenix will be consumed in the flames, but will be reborn out of the ashes."

There goes cable...

Well there is the next wave....she cut my cable even after telling them to switch the account into my name...GAMES!!!! nothing but games.....Well Tina sorry, but i am not playing...but i am going to finish it right now once and for all...I am tired of hurting and tired of you using my children in your stupid and selfish games...I am fed up...I am not going to let you hurt me anymore or the kids, nor do I care if you ever come back...even if you realize that you made a mistake...but one thing is for damn sure "YOU ARE NOT TAKING MY KIDS AWAY"! Try your best, because my gloves are off and I am coming out fighting...

Sometimes I just wanna scream....

Somtimes I just feel like screaming...just like in the original Superman movie...when Superman finds Lois Lane dead in her car after the whole world starts going to hell...I just want to turn back time to March 5th....before all of this happened...but know clearly what could potentially happen...and do my best to avoid it ever happening...I am such a case it's not funny...as much as I am trying everything in my power to move on, it is virtually impossible...my anger was short lived though...I guess cause I am not an angry person...I gave everything to my family, I got us out of the hole in the ground we called a home...even though Tina found this place I had to work hard everyday to get us to where we got...I guess one of my sayings is dead on the money...live life to the fullest cause you never know what might happen next...it's almost that time again for me to go to sleep...I have a prescription from the doctor for sleeping pills, but couldn't get them today...God why am I being tortured?!?!?! When I haven't done anything wrong!?! All I ever asked for was the truth, and answers...and someone that can be here for me through this very dark period in my life...even though i am gaining supporters, and am being flooded with emails, i need someone here, in person, who can unconditionally understand, care, and reassure me that life will get better, and my babies will come home. I know a lot of people are praying for me everynight...but does prayers really help? I am not trying to sound selfish at all, but is God listening? Or is this the road to where life will get better? Why don't I see the good at the end? Why is my vision clouded? Why am I holding on to Tina when she is stopping at nothing to destroy me? I am far from being suicidal, but there are times where I wish my body were to give up while i sleep...but then I sit and think of my babies Dregan & Kiara, and know without Daddy they will never turn out right...I even asked the doctor today if there was a pill to get rid of the pain, and kinda smirk and said unfortunatley no...he was concerend about my weight loss, since it was rather drastic, and my lack of sleep...

Another hurdle cleared....

Well yet again I cleared another hurdle...my landlord came over to look things over and to see if I would be able to manage things here. She had no complaints and was I think somewhat surprised of how well things were kept. I am sure she was thinking that the place was gonna be upside down and gross looking...but that ain't my style. I think I am getting sick though...I slept 7 hrs last night...and 2 hrs this afternoon, but I don't feel right...I feel like I have no energy at all...yeah I know, stress, depression...all of it are starting to affect me now....if someone out there can hear me "HELP"!!! Anyway this was just a short entry, so i'll be back probably later on.

Anger....

Well today was the first day I actually got angry for everything that has happened...first it started off as the worst sadness I have ever felt to date...listening to a song at the doctors office and seeing my whole life with my family flash before my eyes...even when I look in the mirror I do not see happiness in them...just total sadness...it's something I don't think I could hide from people even if I tried. I cam e home and crashed out @ 3:30pm and slept for a couple of hours, and again the dreams were there...but this time the people who were in it were hiding things from me...then I woke up feeling angry...like the whole world knows and knew what was going on and it was all done behind my back...in fact someone was reading a letter Tina had wrote in my dreams, and it stated those things...My anger is not directed towards anyone imparticular, but I feel it for the first time...I don't like it...are these one of the many emotions I am supposed to feel? I ate and went out to mow the lawn and all I could see were daddies and their children taking a walk since the rain stopped and the sun came out...I could even almost see Dregan and Kiara helping rake and clean up the lawn after I finished mowing it...I don't know what I will do tonight...My doctor said I should sleep, but I told him my fears...and he even told me he has seen more cases of what I am going through then he likes to admit...it even happened to some of his friends who are doctors...go figure...he felt very bad for me...but unfortunately I live in a place where if a woman says anything like "He Hit Me" or anything along those lines they are believed instantly without question, then their allegations are solidified by feminist social workers...so in the end men always lose....but then there is me...I may have no strength right now to fight back...but the amount of info I have about Tina should be enough to discredit her...not destroy her like she is me, because I would only be playing her game, and I do not want to have my children look at their mommy in that way...this is between her and I...They need their mommy regardless...I don't quit...I will only quit when I have lost everything, and put behind bars for crimes I never committed....because then is the only time when hope has run out. I miss you both so much Dre and my Princess Kiara...2 more days till Daddy sees you again!