Anger....

Well today was the first day I actually got angry for everything that has happened...first it started off as the worst sadness I have ever felt to date...listening to a song at the doctors office and seeing my whole life with my family flash before my eyes...even when I look in the mirror I do not see happiness in them...just total sadness...it's something I don't think I could hide from people even if I tried. I cam e home and crashed out @ 3:30pm and slept for a couple of hours, and again the dreams were there...but this time the people who were in it were hiding things from me...then I woke up feeling angry...like the whole world knows and knew what was going on and it was all done behind my back...in fact someone was reading a letter Tina had wrote in my dreams, and it stated those things...My anger is not directed towards anyone imparticular, but I feel it for the first time...I don't like it...are these one of the many emotions I am supposed to feel? I ate and went out to mow the lawn and all I could see were daddies and their children taking a walk since the rain stopped and the sun came out...I could even almost see Dregan and Kiara helping rake and clean up the lawn after I finished mowing it...I don't know what I will do tonight...My doctor said I should sleep, but I told him my fears...and he even told me he has seen more cases of what I am going through then he likes to admit...it even happened to some of his friends who are doctors...go figure...he felt very bad for me...but unfortunately I live in a place where if a woman says anything like "He Hit Me" or anything along those lines they are believed instantly without question, then their allegations are solidified by feminist social workers...so in the end men always lose....but then there is me...I may have no strength right now to fight back...but the amount of info I have about Tina should be enough to discredit her...not destroy her like she is me, because I would only be playing her game, and I do not want to have my children look at their mommy in that way...this is between her and I...They need their mommy regardless...I don't quit...I will only quit when I have lost everything, and put behind bars for crimes I never committed....because then is the only time when hope has run out. I miss you both so much Dre and my Princess Kiara...2 more days till Daddy sees you again!