Sometimes I just wanna scream....

Somtimes I just feel like screaming...just like in the original Superman movie...when Superman finds Lois Lane dead in her car after the whole world starts going to hell...I just want to turn back time to March 5th....before all of this happened...but know clearly what could potentially happen...and do my best to avoid it ever happening...I am such a case it's not funny...as much as I am trying everything in my power to move on, it is virtually impossible...my anger was short lived though...I guess cause I am not an angry person...I gave everything to my family, I got us out of the hole in the ground we called a home...even though Tina found this place I had to work hard everyday to get us to where we got...I guess one of my sayings is dead on the money...live life to the fullest cause you never know what might happen next...it's almost that time again for me to go to sleep...I have a prescription from the doctor for sleeping pills, but couldn't get them today...God why am I being tortured?!?!?! When I haven't done anything wrong!?! All I ever asked for was the truth, and answers...and someone that can be here for me through this very dark period in my life...even though i am gaining supporters, and am being flooded with emails, i need someone here, in person, who can unconditionally understand, care, and reassure me that life will get better, and my babies will come home. I know a lot of people are praying for me everynight...but does prayers really help? I am not trying to sound selfish at all, but is God listening? Or is this the road to where life will get better? Why don't I see the good at the end? Why is my vision clouded? Why am I holding on to Tina when she is stopping at nothing to destroy me? I am far from being suicidal, but there are times where I wish my body were to give up while i sleep...but then I sit and think of my babies Dregan & Kiara, and know without Daddy they will never turn out right...I even asked the doctor today if there was a pill to get rid of the pain, and kinda smirk and said unfortunatley no...he was concerend about my weight loss, since it was rather drastic, and my lack of sleep...