What to say...

I don't know what to say...I don't get to see my child on his B-day...well b-day weekend, as he apparently went to cubs get-a-way weekend...so i was supposed to have Kiara, and well just like i predicted..(again)..she never showed...they had the flu...i don't buy it for a second this time. It was the nicest day out today, and i know it was done out of spite. I had all these thoughts circling in my head before I started to post this...now I am drawing a blank...not sure why though...All I know is because of no closure i notice i still have my guard way up and well have no trust in anoyone...it's not fair. One thing is i was right about one thing, where my strength comes from and that is my friends. The more i have made the stronger i've felt...and even at times being the center of attention like i used to be and put smiles on everyones face...life is too short. I just wish there was this peverbial angel out there....oh yeah and when i was at the center because i said it's also 5 days till the one year of our separation i was scolded...I AM NOT CELEBRATING IT!!!...fuck why would I celebrate something i never wanted to end? It's just hard to believe it's been a year. Anyway im gonna go for now and try to sort my thoughts and come back.