Now I have my closure....I just found out tonight after still ingering in anguish and pain from my loss of my family...and as much as i have tried to move on everyday i get the lashings across my chest of pain....untill tonight....I found out my best friend had heard from her and she had said it was the hardest decision she has ever made and does not want to know anything about my situation nor does she want to let him know...he seems to think it was plannned and planned for a while to...right down to setting him up that morning...I was getting very weak up untill now...losing grip of everything...because of only seeing my kids 3hrs a week, mind you I get them for 4hrs tomorrow :-) ...but it still weakens you...Knowing now what I know...now gives me the right and reason to not budge and stand my ground and push harder....this just proves it was done out of malice and hatred...now I know her true intention...and one intention only is to see me gone and out of her life forever, to the point where we will never ever cross paths or even get a glimps of each others face...and there shows no care for the fact my kids love me...and that will never change...Life has finally become clear, and my heart granted permission to let go...my soul to forget...time for the real healing to start...My eyes are open and i am ready...ready for the hardest challenge of my life...one that I will not fail or lose...because now i see how truly evil people can really be...and how they care nothing but themsleves...and lie to destroy another human being because of their unhappiness within them...Dregan, Kiara I will see you soon Daddy loves you :-) and soon we will be together again...I feel vindicated tonight...liberated...knowing now that this was planned...because now the pieces of the puzzle are almost complete to this painful lesson in life and love...but now i can safley say i never really new my ex...and the funny thing is, recently i have slowly started to forget what she looked like...and there is not one picture of her around...only of my kids...and if one turns up my heart would ache and i would have to put it away in the box of lost memories...don't get me wrong...I am not angry, vengeful, hateful or anything like...no no...not my thing...i am very happy now the spinning is stopping and knowing what the real game is...so i can play, and i am playing to win...wow...lol...i am really taken back in a way by what i am finding out...and knowing my step sister knew about this before hand as well...the players of the game are coming into play now...i just don't get it...why? There was no abuse..yes arguing...up's and downs...that is the last piece to the puzzle...so now thinking back to March 7th...her sitting on the couch looked up and said those famouse words.. "Why would I throw away 9 years worth of investment"...and "I have never been unloyal or unfaithful to you in 9 years, why start now?" ...those are key...because now i am thinking one of three things...one..my first instinct was right...and the whole co-worker thing was a set up to get the argument starting...because i was asked to thak him for ruining a "happy family" or that day when i went on google on the laptop she uses only Lavalife was in the serach field, and everyone knows it can only appear when you type it in...she denied it and anything of it...or three she was convinced it was the right thing to do by god nows who...but i am sure we will know in the end...well sorry for the long blab....i had to vent and noticed i haven't written in a long while...been doing alot, was trying to keep myself occupied so i didn't think...thinking kills ya...so anyway i am off to get ready for bed...and a new begining...i will probably write alot more now...about my nine year past...i figured i have to respect certain conditions so i figured talking about my past is not out of lines. Nite kids xoxoxo
By the way...spelling might suck...didn't do a spell check on this one lol
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