2006 comes to an end...as 2007 comes in...

Well I should have celebrated last post...it was my 100th..not that it matters. So here i am..New Years Eve...by myself. Feels really odd and strange...and lonley. But it's for the better, I need the solitude to think, grow, learn. 2007 for me will be monumental, so I have to be ready. I have to be ready emotionally, physically & mentally. I am finally in my new place and 80% unpacked...LOL..bedroom is storage for now...I should have moved in June, but I listened to Mark when he said it was a good idea to keep the house...so that gave me the impression things were gonna pan out with you know who and I...and also it was pride...i wanted to show i could manage a house on my own...and had i not gone through the emotional and mental turmoil I was put through I could have done it. I have done a lot of thinking of where i'm going...and this past year has helped me see and taught me a lot about life, love and happiness....it has also taught me and shown me hatred, destruction, and sadness....I hate the feeling...but all of it has turned part of me to stone...part of my heart that will never beat again. But now feeling a big weight off my shoulders from moving has helped...i've been healing faster then I thought. Don't get me wrong....i occasionally get those dreams I used to get in the beginning...and still feel the whip across my chest...but no more fear...I got to where I am in life all by myself...so I can do it...now the question is how far do I want to take myself? I will settle for nothing less then all the way. So 2007 no mistakes...8 mins till...I will continue the fight for my kids...and will have a grip like a bulldog to never give up the fight for them....I miss them sooooo much it's not funny. My place is plasterd with nothing but pics of me and the kids...Ugghhh, I wish I had time to really get into what i've done, thought of....but 6 mins to midnight...I want this posted at 11:59pm...So anyway, I will get back to basics...do what I know and work from there. I know once I get momentum it won't stop...it's just getting the momentum...I've had it before but been to scared to take the ride. I'm not scared anymore...I'm ready to take that ride. So when you look back at this next year...provided your still blogging..let's see where you are. Anyway 3 mins till 2007...and as much as I am happy...i have a few tears rolling down my face...as i do wish things were back to the way they were...I do miss her...I know i'm sick...lol....Happy New Year