Heart Cancer says it best...

Well another holiday spent alone...and since Saturday my mind has been in a flurry of thoughts, and emotions. There is one comment someone told me and has stuck in my head...and it's the feeling of when i lost my family to even today...but even though i never had Heart Cancer, I think that definition fits. I guess I am not over any of it at all...Today felt like the first day all over again. I really don't know how much more I can take or how much longer I will last. I sit there and see no matter what I do I am looked at as a criminal, or whatever people think...and no one at all seems to care I am the martyr in all of this and the true people who've done the real damage and the real crime will walk away with no repercussions at all...and people expect me to be happy? I should just say thank you and smile? Ask yourself that question...if you were crucified for almost a year, and have lies told about you to the point where it cripples your life...and when it all dies down would you really turn your other cheek smile and say it's ok? I've slept and cried all day...even now my tears a rolling down my face. A lot of people are proud of me, and a lot are scared...but some apparently see me in admiration for even being able to function this long...like they've said most don't. I have read the statistics for the province of Quebec on this and even i am surprised...Please god, you taught me patience and taught it well...please grant me the strength to push forward...or heal the deep wounds that are not healing...I beg of you now. I really thought my heart was strong, and I thought I had moved on...I guess i was wrong and I guess I was fooling myself.