A lot of Insight...

Another small gap between posts...I can safley say though most of january went smooth until near the end...begining of January i was put on a final plan for work...but a lot of people there were on plans. I knwo why too, and it's a way the business deals with layoffs...instead of doing a massive one and alarm share holders, they do it in a subtle sense. They are doing this because of a company aquisition, software spectrum. That company had the first wave of their own cuts, then came Insight. It sucks, because i was talking to my mom tonight and was saying before my break up with her i was at the peak of my career, and well the break up took care of it happening. I didn't have my bounce for a while and wasn't hitting budget like i normally did...and it was because of distractions...and yes even though i've tried to move on it's been hard because there is always a constant reminder...because of one mans actions the started the ball...but then I wonder if that ball actually started before then...like i've said since i've been posting the truth will finally come out, and it will...and i don't think i've ever put myself in a light of perfection...i wasn't perfect because nobody is, and I think we all know that. I guess since november small things have come out...truths that counter act all her claims, and certain people emailing me out of the blue...or even calling and asking for her...yeah i don't remember if i posted this, but a neighbour called that i guess we haven't spoken to since we moved to the house, well they called asking for her and i had to tell them we separated...it hurt to have to give the censored shorten version of what happened...i guess i pretty much said things just didn't work out...i didn't feel like getting into any mud slinging because it would hurt too much having to go over it again...and i was litterally on the phone for like 30 seconds, short call...and awkward, and it was probably my fault to...sound of my voice. Anyway i have completely run off track, work..that's what i was talking about...so yeah, final plan...it was funny, because January like i said started off with a smash, and i mean on a very high note. I had the momentum again at work, and was on the right track...the metrics were pretty high, but honeslty, half was easy to achieve and the other half...well...lets just say not impossible, but you pretty much have to sell the farm in most cases...but...i had momentum and steam, like i had before the break up...i was hittting the metrics, nut it's funny this is where it really made me lose hope...and again it also felt as if i was set up from the get go again...and by the way you and gonna hear the phrase again later...I'm not sure if i posted this either...lol...i should re read my stuff... :-P but i was taken to HR again and this time it was a new HR rep...and my manager Vanessa Hearn...basically said if i missed one more day of work i was fired...that's a little harsh...so i said ok and signed their paper and went about my day...that didn't realy bother me because i was finally starting to see some sort of real light this time...even though the child support money and how much i have to pay to see my kids is nuts, and to be honest...kinda unfair...and leaves me with pretty much rent money..a little left over for odds and ends...and me getting closer to budget was the light. I would be able to breath again. Anyway a week ago Tuesday early in the morning i felt really sick, and all i thought was here we go...i called in early to work so my boss could get the message and i could get to a clinic in time, and i also forgot she needed to helppush out an order that was gonna hit my month, but i called twice, she never returned my calls, I even got a rep to ask her to call me...she never did. So i wasted my time trying to make sure she got the proper instructions on the order and what to look out for, since i was the only guy on the team with no back up she watched my stuff. So i missed the window at the clinic here for the note, and i wasted bus tickets to go to stat care to find out it costs $ for a Dr's note. So that was a waste of time...i didn't have the money. So the next morning i wrote her an email cause i knew i was gonna get fired, or so i thought...i knew it was rather harsh, so i called thier bluff...i wanted to see and prove that they weren't and they knew they couldn't do it...so when i got into work i emailed Vanessa and told her that i didn;t have a note, and couldn't afford it, and would clean out my desk and be out at the end of the day since that was a written in binding...or so i thought, but they right away pretty much they took it back and said it was harsh and they would just call the clinic to make sure i went there...so i ask you this...why is it so important for them to make sure i actually went to the clinic, and seriously people...if you were truly sick, and i mean stomach flu type...and you seriously gonna tell me you should go to a clinic? Wouldn't staying in bed be a better idea? when you know the Dr. is gonna say your sick...so whatever, i called thier bluff...the next day though is when the last part of my old life became a thing of the past...i was chatting with Meghan on MSN and she said Paul poped on, and i said it's funny cause i can't see him...wow even now thinking about what i heard adds another scar to my deeply wounded heart...i know may osund cheesy people, but it did hurt...she asked him why and he had replied he was done with me a long time ago...i was crushed...it smelled of "Her"...that phrase i picture her saying that, but to him...The reason why i say that is because certain people will pick up certain traits about people...like a certain saying or jesture that gets thier attention...and well Paul has always been the type to tried to be cool or fit in...infact he tried too hard, but right after that was said i don't know what meghan and him were talking about, but he said he had coffee with her at tim hortons...so from that, and what he told meghan that night he showed up when he said that he felt it was set up for a long time, but i'm sure she swayed him to not associate with me anymore...and well Paul is the type to follow a girl if she gives him attention. I cried actually when i read that...i went outside for a smoke and cried...i'm glad no one was around...but the pain was like losing another loved one...and it was, my best friend of 15 years...gone, and she did the job. Don't get me wrong i am not paranoid...because i know the lies will be uncoverd and all of the claims will be false, thats why i sit there and question why this has to be like this when it's hurting the kids more then anyone and affecting them.
Anyway i wiped away the tears and finished my smoke an went back in...then to top it all off i then found out my order would not invoice for the month, which ment i would not hit the minimum revenu i needed to be at, but had i have gotten it i would have been at the cusp of hitting budget...and even some of the hardest metrics i was able to not achieve but show impressive results...so i hit the goals on the final plan and should have technically went down to a written which is a step back...it's a good thing...but i said i can't, it would just continue with the lies...it's funny i was told in HR that it was against company policy for them to have switched me teams because of structure on territory alignment...but i found out a girl on my team did just that...LOL...no one can keep a lie straight these days. Anyway i sat at my desk, then got up...went to HR and said i'm done...my director came down and talked with me and the HR rep...asking if it's what i really wanted to do...I said there were to many memories, bad ones that even though i would have gotten back to where i was, it was too much on my soul, heart, and honestly the game would continue and im sorry trying to get my kids back is not a game, and playng with my job is playing with my life and affects it, and in turn makes it harder for me to bring them home. So the next day i went in, and sign the papers...they were very generous though, not sure out of sympathy or out of fear of me knowing what they were doing was wrong..oh i forgot to mention th epart where my month performance and was pretty much said that even though i hit the metrics requested they hinted at it might not have matterd...well why set out something like that...an improvment plan, to go against it....oh yeah right they did before too about me being sick...you see a pattern? so they gave me 4 weeks and 4% plus 6%...My director walked me out and talked with me, and said i should add myself to that class action lawsuit that is pending against her lawyer, and to try and seek damages because even he said she destroyed a good reps career, and he then told me to use him as a reference. I found out after we said goodbye i was saying goodbye to the recptionist, and she said she has never seen my director talk to anyone like that since she's been there the way he did...i was shocked...but mind you so was he, because he said he never met anyone who has gone through and still going through be able to fucntion the way i did and at that caliber for that long...it was 2 reasons...Dregan & Kiara...that's what drove me...don't get me wrong, i didn't do this to let them down...I did this to eliminate any negative distraction in my life and the painful ones...it was hard leaving...don't say i didn't shead a tear cause i did...so that's how february started and let me tell you...even though it's started off rockey it's gonna pan out...im not worried about a job, because i already have one lined up...more pay. Anyway i looked at the time and it's super late...and well didn't realize i have typed so much....i guess i was in a writting mood, and i have so much more to tell too...but i am gonna save it for another night...i should crash i have things to take care of tomorrow...and btw if the spelling sucks i will be doing a spell check tomorrow. nite nite