It all comes down to thoughts...

Man I don't think I have ever had this much of a problem sorting through things...I sat 9 hrs today doing nothing...well thinking....I told Jess I had 3 sides today...a very deep sad one...one where I wanted to just walk away and never look back...and well one...well..yeah......I am finding out crtain roles of this well done event...the poepl who backstabbed me, the people who said they were my friend and turned their backs on me...fuck what do i have to do lie to get people to not turn their backs on me? If that's the case no way...I am too good for that...but on the other hand I feel myself giving up...not caring about anything...as much as I am getting support, it's getting rough...I miss my kids so very much...I sometimes just sit in their rooms or in their play room, or even look at pics of us...Anyone who is readind...never take your relationship for granted...EVER! It's not worth it...it can lead to much worse then what I am going through...and the stuff I am going through is nuts...to over hyped for what really happened...but will I get my day? Will I get my day to ultimatley prove my innocence and get my children back? The way things look no....if I did i would still be very scared as to the reprecussions...so I sit here and I am shaking...I am so very scared about tomorrow...I have never been scared of much but this kills me...cause i know everything against me is a lie...but when you are one lone person fighting against an army the odds ain't all that great for you...in fact...they suck the bag...I am very sorry how things in the past 3 months have turned out...like a snowball rolling down hill getting bigger and bigger...until *BAM* it explodes...I know that my blogs are also going to be used against me...I don't care...I read and re-read it over and over, and there is nothing in here that shows anything...the only thing it shows is the confusion, hurt, and saddness...but unfortunatley people take things like this and twsit it all up to make it look different...but i do assure you of this...THIS BLOG IS SOLEY TO HELP ME COPE WITH ALL OF THIS, TRY TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND, THIS IS NOT INTENDED AS A SUICIDAL PORTAL, NOR A PORTAL TO BASH OR HURT OR EVEN "BREACH MY CONDITIONS" But some people will use it saying I am emotionally unstable or mentally unstable...LOL...I wish i was cause it would be alot better off for me...but I am not...I am just hurt and saddened that I am looked at now as a bad Father to my kids...hence supervised visitation...hence false charges of assault, and even "Best Friends" turn their back on you...and what I am supposed to smile about all of this...I think not...any normal person would feel the same way...but I am not a fighter...I hate fighting, it is counter productive...anyway I really have to figure out what to do...i'm scared.