Woah...

I can't even begin to describe what I am thinking or feeling right now...I mean, seriously I have no words for it...I told someone tonight I could and never would ever speak to her again, not even a look...but did I mean it? I get every single person telling me things will be ok, and things will work out in the end in favor for me...but why don't I see what they see? I feel like a sleeping giant, still in slumber until I am awoken from my sleep...is that when I will regain all my strength? Everyone one said I had it before and still do have it...I just got to turn on the switch I guess...but why aren't I? LOL...that's the million dollar question. My insides shake so much...my thoughts fill with dreadful fears...it's over yeah ok...but why the linger of pain? I am sooo very tired...I know I didn't do much but tidy up a bit and get a little more organized...but it's late...and again my mind again has won the night...where I sit and think...Love really sucks...it does...because you give your heart, life & soul to someone and yes you both may have challenges in your life that need to be dealt with, but ending a life like that...the way it ended was...wow...I mean how else am I supposed to describe it? It was and still is mind blowing. Having the certain someone room here is gonna help somewhat. Just to fill the void of an empty place. Until then get ready to go back to work...I am praying I can do this...and see how life treats me.