....harder afternoon....

Even this afternoon is hard...engulfed with my thoughts, fears, worries...I just want to give up...I mean as much as I am fighting my hardest to get my kids...I feel like all of it is not worth it...all my work, effort, strength...hope...I even prayed to god...is that why a storm is rolling in? Is he there to answer my prayers? Or am I going to get more bad news to crush me even more? Why? what did I ever really do to deserve this? Wow....that was close...was that a sign for what I just said? That lightening struck very close to the house...So God if you are listening to my prayers, or thoughts...why? why did this happen? if it's me strike me down...if it's not please take away the hurt...I beg of you...take away the hurt from my kids as well...they truly do not deserve it...they never asked for it...put life back on track so everyone can be happy again...we all need it now...everyone of us...I don't think I can take much more hurting...as much as my wall was built for some of it...it is starting to seep through...Is there an angel out there who can save me? The storm is getting bad...I hear firetrucks and ambulances just down the road...I hope no one got hurt...Life is in utter chaos mode right now...like it is unbalanced...and not just with me, but with everyone I talk too...