Dreams.......

When will my dreams of her stop? Why are they so intense...I crashed out last night at around 1am, and slept hard. The dreams were very intense and very emotional. I am very down this morning. My heart goes out to every man and woman who has ever had to face what I am facing now...because I know their are times where there is always someone who still has an undying love even though the other one doesn't. Why do I still love her? Is it normal? Even after all of the hurtful things she has done? Am I a sucker for abuse? The only words I heard her spoke in my dream was "I am going to a tank top party" yes I know it is way out there, but it is what was said. I am not building my wall fast enough...maybe cause I don't want to...but I don't want to get even more hurt...this morning is a rough one...maybe that's why it's been raining so much...because of all the hurt and sadness going on. I guess the thought that is crossing my mind right now is, before all of this happened I was never scared about facing a problem...so why am I scared now? Even though I am not in the wrong. I know I could move on if I really wanted to...I think...but why am I holding back? The dreams really messed me up...I just still can't believe she stopped loving me just like that...even after her words which will forever be etched in my heart. I don't think I will ever forget them...and they maybe the last words I will breath before I pass on of old age...they are words I don't think anyone can forget, because they had so much love behind them...anyway I have to stop writing...I am about to break down...and I can't do that today. I'll let you know of any updates and how my day went.