Please make the dreams stop...

I am begging anyone, please make the dreams stop!!! I honestly can't take this...I'll do anything to make them go away...am I being cursed? I just don't know anymore...but even in my dreams I am in pain...I am not looking for pity, but just understanding why. Does everyone else go through this? Today I have a lot to get done...but I don't know where to start. Like I said to my Dad, the reason why it's been constantly raining is because the world is sad, my world is sad...the things that have happened should not have happened this way...sorry if I am always on this, but no matter who I talk to or what I do, inside my heart I feel it's wrong...I feel everything being done is wrong...at one point my heart said to wait...give it time...even though the damage was to the extent of non repair...but why? I could be just setting myself up for more hurt...and quite honestly I probably am. Why am I crucifying myself? I just wish one of 3 things happen for me...(1) My family comes home (99.9% sure that won't happen) (2) Someone rescues me and my soul. (3) Me being able to find the rest of my strength to move on. It's funny cause she had no trust in me...or lack of. Then why have I been and will always remain loyal and faithful even though we are separated? Life can be funny and cruel all in the same shot. But only god knows that, and only he knows what my true fate will be. I guess I am still scared of her...scared of what she will say or do if I move on and try to be happy...just like if I went to a friends house after work...I was scared and afraid of her being mad at me...I am hanging by a mere thread...literally...trying to keep myself from falling into a dark abyss never to return...to lose utterly everything...one of my readers just added me to their MSN. I am completley shocked on the amount of support i am getting...to bad it won't help me get my babies back though. If all of this support could help, well I would have no worries...but my main worry is my kids at this point...they brought so much happiness to my life...especially when i would come home from work and hear them say "Daddy's home" There is nothing more in the world more heart warming. With all of the stuff I have to prove not only am I a good father, but to also discredit Tina's creditbility...why am I not going on the attack? Maybe it is in my nature to "Not Hurt People" I hope Ancient Clown is right about the gift beyond the problem...I am looking and still hoping.