Hard morning...

Rough morning...all I have to say is, this sucks...why? Still so many questions left unanswered...mind you they are becoming more evident as each day passes...I do wish there was a pill to get over all of this...cause the stinging is still there...but everyone says it's normal...but I don't like it...I don't like hurting and don't like feeling sad...LOL...the funny thing is I guess trust was never really an issue...or was it? I mean I don't want to say too much, but life does not feel the same anymore...nor do I...my self esteem is wearing thin...so is my confidence...but like people have been saying it's normal...I'll have good days and bad ones...and as much as the good days were starting...it feels like the bad ones are creeping back in, and I wish I knew how or had the power to stop it...Blogging was helping...but now there is only certain things I will type for now...But all I know is, there will be more hurt to come...I know this now...reason I know...cause I lost my sunglasses...they meant the world to me since they were Dregan's...they were to big for him when he was younger and the kids broke my other ones..so I wore his...now...they are gone...same with my earrings...all my sense of who i am is going away...or is it? So God if you are listening please help me...help me get over the pain i feel inside...the hurt...I have asked everyone but you...I never wanted to bug you with my petty problems...but now it's to the point where my heart is broken...and it is in a million pieces, and I am scared it will never heal...will it? Can it? Why does love have to be broken? Why do we have to hurt? Why do we for that matter? I am hoping you hear my prayers...I really do...no one in life deserves to feel this way...I know well my wish that I want will never happen...and you know what that wish is since I wish it every night...but if i can get the other wish below that one it may help...sorry for grabing at whatever I can, but I hate feeling like this...I do...and as much as I try and put the best foot forward everyday...but it is not the easiest thing to do...ugghhhhh...I wonder how the kids are...especially today...I miss them so much...i miss the voices...Man if this is a dream wake me up...if it's not take me away from all the hurt and pain...I beg of you...I don't want to be incircled with all of these memories anymore...thinking of the good times hurts extremley...and thinking of the bad does as well...cause some of it was petty, some not...but for sure some yes and could have all been avoided...but i do know now, that it is feutile to hope or pray...I don't know anymore...anyway I think i am gonna go let out some tears...i have been fighting them since I woke up...Please God, I do hope you hear me...