even sleep and a talk....

Even sleep & a talk doesn't help anymore...not sure how much writing is doing anymore...Mom says I am just tired, my Dad told me not to give in cause if I do it will only get worse for me...so why can't I find the strength anymore? Why do I feel so weak? Can anyone help? Don't get me wrong...I love my kids...to death...they are of my own flesh and blood...but I am afraid if I do come out relatively on top what the repercussions are going to be...and if I do lose...well all I know is it will certainly crush me to the point of losing everything...my job, home, belongings...everything I worked so hard for in life to get and to give...I will have started out as a young thug turned for the better by "someone" and become a respectable hard working individual...back to being a bum...in a blink of an eye...it is the bottom of the ninth...but bases ain't loaded...and down by a run...2 outs...and I am at the plate...what are my odds of getting this into a tie? Can I? ...or am I deluding myself? or...am I right about everything and everyone telling me to hang in there is wrong...there have been so many questions left not answered....so many lies told to hurt...WHY!!!! Why the hatred? Why the hurt? Why the immense suffering? It is not needed, and it does not have to be this way...but it is I guess...and that's why I am not strong anymore...I am weak...I am truly scared of....well we all know who I am afraid of...I don't think I have even been scared of anyone before really...but I am not afraid for stupid reasons...I am afraid for many good ones...I guess the main ones are lies....man if this was done fairly it would have all been over with by now...maybe not the hurting, but it would have been done right and the kids would not have been traumatized...cause I know they are and they hate what's going on...you can see it in their faces...and you can hear it when they speak...they are so scared it's not funny...Good parents know, and can feel...that's why I know...cause I can feel it in them...and there is nothing I can do to stop it...as much as I pray every night for them...I have no power right now to change or help them in anyway...except re assure them when I see them things are ok...but I know, they don't believe it...even at their age...I was told by many people...Police, lawyers, doctors...friends...everyone I talked to and they said there are people out there who do things like this and are sick...not sure the term they meant, but sick is sick I guess...am I sick for not being a fighter? Am I sick for being scared? It's like the boy who cried wolf...but the funny thing is I never cried wolf before, and it just seems my pleads for help are going un answered and the wolf is here...and hungry...so what am I supposed to do? Can anyone out there hear me? Will my prayers be answered? or will I just go without being heard? I feel so sick to my stomach right now it's not funny...I thought my stuff was bad in the begining...i don't think I have ever felt like this before in my life...ever. I should go for now...this is hurting me too much...and it's funny cause i have nothing else to do...and i don't want to sleep cause I am scared of the dreams...I don't want to stay awake cause I cry...Please if anyone out there can save me from this please...I beg you...Help me.