Begining of the end...

I don't know how to start this....I am kinda scared. 9 years of my life is about to end on May 3rd 2006 at 9am in the morning...That is when I go and defend myself again my ex...or wife? for the custody of my 2 precious children, who she has kept me from since March 8th 2006 because she is mentally unstable...talk about an oxymoron. I am going without a lawyer because this isn't a game...nor do I have the cash for it...and besides...I am better fit to defend myself against her, and to prove I am better father and more capable then she is right now....I just can't believe it...I don't want to believe it...am I in denial? Since she has been gone her mind has been polluted...poisoned...the first month she told everyone she didn't make a decision...she told my family...friends everyone...then on the 13th of April she signed papers to get full custody of our children...I got the papers on the 27th of April...and my court date is on the 3rd of May at 9am...and half of the allegations were so far fetched it was unbelievable...she has taken not only my kids...but a part of me I will never ever get back...I actually feel my heart breaking...I would die for this woman...and my kids never any question...I am not implying I was a perfect guy all the time...but I did try my best...and the night before she left...she said why would I throw away 9 years worth of investment...they took my Tina and kids away from me...,and I am nothing but an empty shell...I can't write anymore...the tears will not stop...my heart ache will not stop...my fears are growing...and my hope is fading...why can life be so cruel? Why does life have to be like this? Why do we have to stop fighting when we know it's not the right time? Why give up when you know it's not right? No matter what happens, I love my kids to death and will always be there and care for the,...and I will always love my Tina, no one can ever replace her...nor come close to her in anyway...mind body or spirit...some say she has been very cruel...and spiteful...and to forget her...and I am in denial...I don't think so...because denial would feel different...denial would be me thinking she is gonna be home any day now...but I know she won't be...but I do feel if she sees I am fighting for my kids...and for us to be a family again, and for the kids to not have a broken home...it may light that flame again...or maybe not...I will continue this story when my tears have stopped...which I cry myself to sleep every night since March 8th 2006...and not a day that goes by that I haven't.