Hurdles can be cleared....

I woke up feeling down, but what else is new? I have to go downtown to pick up the audio recording of the civil case between Tina and I. Then I am going to go to this guys house who is from Fathers 4 Justice to help me go over the recordings. After I am gonna come home and clean house, because later tonight Andy, another guy from Fathers 4 Justice will be coming over to give me more of an idea of what's next to come, and how to protect myself. I managed to secure my job, but am on LOA for now, and my house...well that was a hurdle this morning, but I think I nip it in the butt. I am not giving up on the life I did build. I worked very hard to get what I have today. Most men would have already broke by now from what I have been told, but I haven't...even though I wake up sad and down, it get's better through out the day, and yes at times it goes right back...but it's only because of confusion. One thing I am clear on is I am being lied to by some people, and things are being hidden from me. But a lot of others who knew our family well have all said this will eventually bite my ex in the butt....and yet I still defend her, and again I am being told I am stupid for doing so..."Why defend someone Dave, when they are out to literally kill you?" I sit and think...I don't know why...maybe it's like Gerard said...I have a big heart and a small brain? I just called his wife now to get the info on where he was transferred. I promised I would write him to keep him up to date on how things are going. Reason being he helped me find my strength within, and I am also keeping my promise to him. My head is still engulfed with thoughts, confusion, sadness you name it...except for hatred, anger and vengeance. Like her new accusations where I hurt her...she even told my mom I never touched her and she had fallen. Even if she was scared and even if I did 2 questions come to mind...why wait 60 days to have me arrested when I don't know where she is? and second why lie to my mother about it? So many inconsistencies... But maybe Ancient Clown was right about what he said to me "we are never given a problem without also being given a gift hidden within those problems. If we can look past the problems and seek out the gift we begin to realize everything happens for a reason to help us learn things" But I guess I am a little impatient to see clearly yet. I know there are a lot more hurdles to clear going forward, but I am ready to clear them...at least I think I am. But this is the first time in my life where I feel so utterly alone, and yet I am surrounded by support and love...even from people I had no idea felt that way. I know in the end the lies will be seen for what they are, and who they are, but I still face people whom still would like to see me suffer and lose it all, and I am not talking about my ex either. As I have been told, there will be some who support, and some who will not, and that is something I have to accept. But the people who do not support will end up realizing they were wrong. But I am not in this for proving who is right or who is wrong, I am in this for the right to see and care for my children. Maybe that's what Ancient Clown meant? Maybe the gift will be my children? I don't know...not yet anyway. So what I need to do now is continue to gain the momentum I have now, and start bringing back the people I have pushed away because of all of this...which was not done intentionally, and move forward. Ugghhh...I hate this sometimes...Tina is such a good human being, well she can be...and I don't want to see anything happen to her, because of her false allegations. Because I have already knocked off half of them. I am not in this at all to hurt or destroy...because who is suffering the most is out children, and I think she knows this and is too scared to stop it...probably because it is too late for her to do so? or maybe she has been filled with lies herself. As we all know lies are a vicious circle... and it feeds off of it self, to the point of hurt and destruction...the truth does set you free. I know this, because if I was lying, I would have already lost everything, but haven't. In fact I am gaining more and more each day. I just hope she is doing well, and I pray our children are safe and not too damaged by everything. I am sure they are not, because when I saw them they were more happy then I have seen them in a while. They need their Daddy more now then ever, she knows that and I am sure a lot of others do now too. Anyway I do have to start getting ready to go, I have a big day and have a lot to get accomplished. Who knows maybe one day she will realize that things weren't all that bad in our life...but then again, the damage has been done...I do pray every night for guidance and to help cure my confusion of everything, and to see that gift within the problem. If by some chance I do succeed at all of this, it was for a reason...and that reason being is because of my strength, support, honesty, loyalty respect and trust in myself and the people around me. If I was lying I would only be hurting myself in the end and everyone who has put faith in me...then I would ultimately be left with nothing.